mosquito killer

one night last week, i had a mosquito infestation in my room that led to a dramatic and not-so-mature emotional and behavioral meltdown at 2 am - after the third application of bugspray and as many hours of swatting and sleeplessness. i made a loud, angry, 'where the wild things are' roar and threw all the covers off the bed, stomped around the house to turn on lights in other rooms in an attempt to lure them away from my bed,  and vowed (in adult language) to buy a mosquito net upon waking the very next day.  at that ungodly hour, in that quite embarrassing tizzy-state, i shut the window, turned on the AC, took an antihistamine pill, and managed to eek out 4 hours of very itchy and irritable rest.  

in the morning, things were a little brighter and less frightening. i thought better of the aesthetics of a huge net tethered precariously to the ceiling over the bed. now, ironically, instead of the net, i have ended up with a blue, 18x14x27 centimeter, electrical penguin. 

when i complained about my skeeter-attack nightmare, a friend with little children recommended a mobile phone shop that sold plastic, mosquito-murdering penguins -- and various shades of bears and cats and ducks and pigs, one green one that doesnt look like any animal i know, and something that looks like an owl-rat.

i got the penguin. 

his stick-on eyes fell off when i plugged him in, so i put them on my computer instead. 

the box in which the penguin was sold literally says, 'MOSQUITO KILLER.'

then, underneath that, in three separate places, it says, 'portable induction cooktop.'

i havent tried to cook anything except mosquitoes yet, but ill keep you posted....

the box goes on to say [sic]:

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• The mosquito killer utilizes rays of a particular frequency given off by tubes to attract pests, which will be electrocuted on the high-voltage grid inside.
• Kill mosquitoes and other pests without chemical sprays, no psisons, odor or harmless emissions. 
• Easy to operate, it doesn't need accessorial equipment.
• It consumes little power. There will be less than 3 degree powerper month even using all day long. 
• Gentle light and tiny sound, no sheeping offense, romantic and convenience in using.

[The User Manual also adds:]

• Based on experience and the world advanced mosquito killing technology, our company has developed this automatic mosquito lamp so as to provide you a mosquito-free world. 
• It is a positive way to kill the mosquito.
• The light produced by this product is soft, and the noise is weak. It does not affect your sleeping, providing you with romance and warmth. 
• 3(B): When using this machine, it is recommended that people should keep away from the site because the smell of body is more attractive to the mosquito. After supper, it is a good time to kill mosquito when your family goes out for a walk. 
• 3(C): For Use in Public Places - If used in office, hospitals, janitor's rooms, you should place this machine at a dark position when there is somebody is there to kill the mosquito at any time. It will not affect your life and work. 

"Common Failures and Trouble Killing"

Failure #1: Tube unable to light on 

Reason  / Methods

No power supply / Wait for power supply

Poor contact of plug /  Re-plug it

Not turn the switch on  /  Press the switch

Bad tube / Replace it

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.... there's no way i could make this stuff up.