14 august, 2009

before i came here, i had three major fears -- fears that had kept me, among other personal and professional issues, from moving overseas sooner in order to do what i always wanted to do. 

i was afraid i would be sick a lot. [check]. 

i was scared that being sick would make me miss work. [check]. 

but mostly, i was afraid i would be lonely. the past few days, i keep thinking that i hear someone calling my name in public, and i turn around, but theres no one there.

so... check, again.

but here i am, three greatest fears faced and in the process of facing, and still standing -- still, in fact, moving forward to some degree with optimism and trust. 

there have been a lot of rocky days lately, but im learning to be comfortable with myself. part of this is my life long journey toward realizing that i am not responsible for Everything that happens to Everyone. trying to consciously work on those tendencies has left me feeling a lot like the Rock Biter in The Neverending Story. 

"I always thought they were good... strong... hands..."

id like to quote Marion Woodman, one of the greatest living students of Carl Jung, as something that has also provided some much-needed inspiration of late: 

"As long as we try to transcend ourselves, reach for the sky, pull away from the ground and into spirit, we are heroes carved in stone. We stand atop the pillar alone, blind to the pigeon's droppings. Don't try to transform yourself. Move into yourself. Move into your human unsuccess. Perfection rapes the soul."

so, realizing also that i needed to balance the Jung with some 'Dumb and Dumber'-type energy, this is where i am today: 

today i made a list entitled 'fun' that is intended to help me find fun things to do. the list includes: 

• download Bejeweled, if possible
• watch Indian soaps on TV
• walk
• make a fruit shake
• google someone i kinda know in order to get to know them better
• study Khmer flashcards
• look up Buckminster Fuller on wikipedia again

yes, this is my FUN list. and only two of them can be done if the power or internet is down. 2 = short list of fun things to do.

oh, i guess i should add one more this to the list: i booked a 10-day silent meditation and yoga retreat in September on the coast of Thailand. check it out.

i guess you could add 'trying to learn to be quiet' to my scariest things in the world list. [soon to be checked] might as well knock it all out in one year, huh? not that new fears wont pop up in their places....

not much more to say for now....

here are pictures of my work:

here is the rest of my Community Awareness Team...

the funniest thing to me about this one is that i somehow knew i needed to lean down to be able to get in the frame.

heres one of my mom and me outside my office...

and here are a few that are, to me, quintessential Cambodia.... 

all from my recent trip into the Provinces with Mom and Leon.